You disgust me.
That's right, I totes went there. Right for the insult.
You see, I'm bitter. Eight years ago, I slept on my first Aerobed ever. It was after a night sleeping on a camping pad on a tile floor in my friend's apartment in Nicaragua. The Aerobed was the most comfortable thing ever. And it stayed inflated - something I had never experienced with an air mattress. I was sold - except for the high price.
Fast forward a few years. Now I'm no longer a recent grad with $0. I'm a yuppie living in Boston. But not so yuppified that I have a true guest bedroom with a real bed for guests. And my boyfriend and I go camping frequently. So... we have a few air mattresses. I'd say we'd go through one or two a summer. Coleman air mattresses, no-name generic air mattresses, another Coleman mattress, and finally an Aerobed (which apparently is owned by Coleman now). That Aerobed lasted one summer, the same as the others, but I was satisfied enough to pay the premium to buy another Aerobed at Target when that first one stopped holding air this year.
I'll admit - we were not always the easiest on the air mattresses. One of my boyfriend and my first experiences on an air mattress was camping in a back yard on Cape Cod. We left our tent windows open... sprinklers turned on that afternoon... and everything was soaked. So I cleverly propped up the mattress with a foot high hollow plastic gnome (Gnomey, as he is affectionately known) to help it dry out.
Later that night, we had our first fight. In a fit of anger, I sat on the air mattress and rolled over... and the Gnome popped a huge hole in the mattress. Whoops. It made us laugh and forget the fight. So thanks, Coleman air mattress. I'm not even bitter that we had to sleep on the ground that night.
Anyway, I digress. I purchased that second Aerobed pacifically (yes pacifically) for my dear cousins' visit this past April. I did not want them sleeping on a sinking mattress - especially since Margot was/is preggers, so I bought what I thought was the best - a battery-powered, built-in-pump, queen sized Aerobed.
The next morning I anxiously awaited their review - "Well, it was ok. We had to pump it up once in the night." Ok, not terrible, but not great. Apparently the following two nights were better and did not require a re-pump.
Now, it's tonight. (Ha. That sounds funny.) I take out my barely used air mattress as I have another few cousins staying over (what can I say, we love each other but live far away and don't like hotels). I turn on the pump. The mattress pumps up, kind of. I remain optimistic. Afterall, it's an AEROBED. The BEST. And it has only been gently used, inside, for three nights. We put the sheets on. And the special Summer Mom quilt. And tried to pump it up. The thing would not stay inflated. Or even really get inflated. And yes, I know how to use an air mattress. We checked all the valves, etc.
Please consider this an ANGRY letter to you, Aerobed. And to you, Target, for selling this piece of crap. It was a complete waste of my ~$75. No, I don't still have the receipt, or I'd return this shit. I will never, EVER, spend my money on an Aerobed product. Even our $30 cheapo air mattress lasted longer.
To top it off, I feel like a horrible hostess since my guest had to resort to pulling cushions off our couch to sleep. So thanks for that too.
Casey "Air Hater - no wait, I mean - Aerobed hater" Williams
UPDATE: Initial reply
No thanks, I don't want any more coleman or aerobed items.